Book Review: Give Them Grace, Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus

I’ve read a lot of parenting books in the last year. The clear standout is the new book by Elyse Fitzpatrick: Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus.

The basic premise is that our parenting needs to be saturated with the gospel. If we say that The Gospel is central to our lives, how we live, and what decisions we make, shouldn’t it also be central in our parenting. But is it?

Fitzpatrick takes a hard look at the typical “Christian” model of parenting and asks, “are we setting our kids up to be works-based, people-pleasers?”.

Why would she ask that you say? Well consider a typical day at your house. Your two sons are fighting with each other in the other room. Being the attentive parent you are, you step in and discipline them for their behavior. You explain that fighting is unacceptable behavior and has negative consequences. The two boys eventually apologize to each other, forgive each other and go back to their game. That’s “good parenting” right?

Fitzpatrick argues that, while it may be “good parenting”, it’s not “Christian parenting”. Stating it bluntly, Fitzpatrick points to that “good behavior” and says, “that’s law”.

Wow. I’ll confess, that was hard for me to hear. But think about it.

In the first chapter she writes,

“…law might masquerade as “easy steps”, “hints for success”, or even “secret formulas”, but make no mistake: at heart it is law. [other belief systems] all share the belief that law can perfect us, but Christians don’t.”

So often we think kids are good if they behave and they’re bad if they don’t. We focus on what they do and fail to recognize that our parenting model does not fit with The Gospel message. Where is grace in our parenting? Instead, we should consider how our kids relate to God. What patterns are evident in their behavior? In our expectations? Do we give glory to God for helping them (and us) make responsible decisions? Do our kids (do we) look to Him for forgiveness and hope when we find ourselves unable to do good?

I found the book to be biblically accurate and God glorifying. There were so many examples (though most were for older kids) that really helped me understand how The Gospel fits into MY life. There were many paragraphs that had me tearing up as I realized in new ways my desperate need for Christ.

This book did some serious surgery on my heart. It pointed out how I had been striving to win my children’s salvation by doing everything right. Basically, I was trying to work for my sons’ salvation. Ridiculous. Salvation belongs to the Lord. It’s scary to think there’s no guarantee, no good {parenting in = good children out} equation. But really isn’t that the crux of Christianity, trust God over self, especially for the things that matter most (eternal destiny)? There was a lot more to this book that I’m leaving out.

I wholeheartedly recommend “Give Them Grace” for parents who, as Fitzpatrick says, want to “Dazzle Their Kids with the Love of Jesus”. It’s a tough read, certainly had to concentrate. Some of the scenarios were ridiculously far fetched, but the main points have completely changed my perspective. I’ve been looking for a way to parent that fits the way that my Father has “parented” me and this is it!